Just a year ago, I recall a conversation I had with my dad as I packed for my New Years holiday. With mugs of hazelnut coffee in our hands, we talked about how we suspected that 2011 was going to be a year of change. Change is a funny thing. Quite often, you can feel it coming from a mile away... but somehow it feels substantially different once it actually occurs. Sometimes change blindsides you in ways you never expect. In these moments, it's sink or swim. With arms flailing wildly in those first moments... you somehow manage to keep your head above water, even if just barely. But it's in answering those tough, hard-hitting questions of "What the hell did I get myself into?" and "What the fuck do I do now?" that we shape our lives.
2011 has been the most difficult, challenging and interesting year of my life. There have been many moments this year when I wondered how things could possibly get better. There were also moments of complete peace, wondering how it was humanly possible to be so happy. It's strange how certain memories resonate with quiet magic... ones that are seemingly uneventful, but feel so significant.
For me, one of these moments was shared on a sunny, warm afternoon this summer, walking through the grass barefoot. I remember the feeling of sheer, simple happiness of just being with someone I care about, wishing that moment could linger on forever. I felt the same way several days ago when I met my baby niece, Zadie, with her little fingers grasping mine. There is something to be said of how incredible it is to have such immediate love for this tiny little person. These are the special moments you look back on and think, wow... THIS is what life is about.
2011 was a year of transition, taking big steps when I graduated and began my career. After nearly four years as a preschool teacher whilst in college, I found myself in an entirely new stage of life. The funny part of all of this? My "babies" were the ones that truly prepared me for this transition, more so than any college course or book I've read. They taught me that it's okay to cry when you fall down, because you're a little stronger every time you get back up. I learned the value in asking questions... and lots of them. They demonstrated that, more often than not, you must try (and try again) until you get it right. And most importantly, my students showed me I should never lose my "sparkle."
I was so blessed to have traveled this year, ringing in the new year at a swanky masquerade in Chicago. I spent my 23rd birthday relaxing on a gorgeous beach in Key Biscayne, dining and shopping in Miami Beach. I went on an unforgettable journey that lead me across the country in a roadtrip with CCB. It was the most crazy, last-minute decision I've ever made... but it's also one of the most worthwhile experiences I've ever had. I've experienced the flashing lights of Las Vegas, the urban grittiness of Los Angeles and the beauty of southern Californian beaches. I spent an unexpected fall day on my own in New York City, trekking through Central Park in my favorite boots and Starbucks drink in hand. In that moment, I felt more independent and comfortable in my own skin than ever.
If there is anything to be said about my year, I challenged myself and faced my greatest fears head-on. Life is about making the choice to build a meaningful existence; to stand for something larger than yourself. To evolve with total passion... even when you feel like you're being pulled in a million directions that don't make sense. It's about surrounding yourself with loved ones that bring out the best in you, who cheer you on in the best and worst of times. It's knowing that we are never alone in this crazy life... because it sure is a beautiful, spectacular ride.
I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all, when snowflakes fall
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all, when snowflakes fall
I wish you love
xx
Voluspa's Macaron Candle ($32 at specialty boutiques, 12 oz.)
